A breakdown

Today I went into the city and hung out with Julie. It was fun. Nothing happened. I kind of wish that something did, but at the same time, I wouldn't be hooking up with her because I liked her, but because I wanted play. I hate that shady side. Like, I guess it's not all that shady, but I view her as this innocent girl who doesn't really know what she wants and I can convince her to hook up with me. Sarah Alston told me that I could persuade people to do anything if I wanted to do it. But, I don't want to use Julie and then move away and leave her confused and fucked up. Tess is a different story. I'm trying not to like her, but she's wow, I don't know. Kelli and I were talking today and she told me that we always pursue what we can't have. I want Tess, but it's not going to happen. She's got baggage, and I'm not looking for a romance. I don't even know what I want. I feel like the reality of Mariah is finally hitting me. I asked out some boy today. He was a cute Israeli, and he gave me his number, but I doubt I'll even call him. Still, it's a first step. I felt like I had "A Game" today. I am contemplating reading livejournal only once a week. Because reading about Mariah's days and emotions hurts me. It's just tough. I haven't talked to the Omaha girls in a while, and I don't know. I'm realizing that separation is happening. Hopefully this summer will fix it. I need some serious Ashley B and Margaret T and Hannah (gah her last name doesn't rhyme) W time.


Persistence, c'est la mere des tous les succes.