I heart Kelli (Beery's girlfriend)

"What are you going to do to wake her up on her birthday?" -Me
"I don't know, maybe have the dog lick her." - Kelli
"Why not just put dog food on her face, that's one way to wake her." -Me
"Yeah... she'll go for that." - Kelli
"She will!" - Me
"I can't think of a better way to spend my girlfriend's birthday then by rubbing dog shit on her face and slapping her around." - Kelli

"What kind of card are you going to give her?" -Me
"I'm giving her 50 fucking roses, she doesn't need a fucking card." -Kelli