Wow.
It was when I was removed as her girlfriend from The Facebook that I really lost it. Because up until then I thought, well does it really matter what I thought?
Yes, because it is my fucking journal. I feel out of the loop, aqnd I suppose that is what happens, right? I haven't heard anything from her, but I suspect something his happening with her and JOR. What can I do? I am not her girlfriend. I am not a part of her life right now. I can sit here and mope, but that just makes me feel worse. I have made myself a miserable wreck.
Like, does she even fucking miss me? I don't know what to guess. Logic says one thing, but panic says another. No one seems to be telling me anything. What don't I know?
AGB told me that she and Mariah tend to shut off their emotions when it gets to be too much to deal with at that point. I don't know, but I am hurting a lot. I am glad she is feeling better though. I have been reading her myspace blog. If it wasn't for that I would probably go mad. I was told to write every time I felt like talking to her, but that's so much of the time.
JOR decided that we shouldn't talk anymore, because it was too hard for both of us he thought. I don't want to lose her from my life. He did tell me something sweet though, if she explicitely asked him to cover for her he would consider it. That's really an amazing thing to say. He gave me some really sweet compliments tonight. If he makes her happy, what can I do?
I got asked out on a date. Shall I go? I don't know. Not likely, but it was so flattering.
Yes, because it is my fucking journal. I feel out of the loop, aqnd I suppose that is what happens, right? I haven't heard anything from her, but I suspect something his happening with her and JOR. What can I do? I am not her girlfriend. I am not a part of her life right now. I can sit here and mope, but that just makes me feel worse. I have made myself a miserable wreck.
Like, does she even fucking miss me? I don't know what to guess. Logic says one thing, but panic says another. No one seems to be telling me anything. What don't I know?
AGB told me that she and Mariah tend to shut off their emotions when it gets to be too much to deal with at that point. I don't know, but I am hurting a lot. I am glad she is feeling better though. I have been reading her myspace blog. If it wasn't for that I would probably go mad. I was told to write every time I felt like talking to her, but that's so much of the time.
JOR decided that we shouldn't talk anymore, because it was too hard for both of us he thought. I don't want to lose her from my life. He did tell me something sweet though, if she explicitely asked him to cover for her he would consider it. That's really an amazing thing to say. He gave me some really sweet compliments tonight. If he makes her happy, what can I do?
I got asked out on a date. Shall I go? I don't know. Not likely, but it was so flattering.
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