Dad is funny.

When Mike was a little baby, long before he was mentally awake. My mother was kind of depressed he wasn't a girl. So Skimmy used to put ribbons in Mike's hair and call him Gretchen.

So what were you doing that you came home at 1:48 in the morning? - Dad
I fell asleep at Alex's and woke up at 1:30. What were you doing up? - Ripsy
I have a natural arm clock. - Dad
That's impressive. - Ripsy
Yes, the fatter you are the better the alarm clock. You see, we store time in our cells. So the fatter we the more control we have of our ability to control time. Your cousin Myron can time travel. - Dad