GO-TART (Holy Crip! He's a crapple!) A story by Dario Delfino

"So this one time a go-tart wheeled into the store. And he starts looking around at VHS movies for sale, the used ones. He picks out a stack of about 8 or 10 mostly thrillers, like "Don't Say a Word", or softcore porn. He brings this stack of movies to the front and slobberingly asks us to reserve them until January 25th between the hours of 8pm-9pm. This happened in like November. So we're like whatever, we'll do what Happy wants. So, the weeks pass and we employees debate on whether or not he's going to come in on the date he said and actually buy the films. At the beginning of January, the first week of January we do inventory. All of his movies end up being put back on the racks. So, he finally comes in last week. And, uh, asks us for the movies. We explain that they got put back out during inventory. So myself and another co-worker went out to the racks with him to help him pick out the movies again. The next hour is spent picking out films and asking Professor X whether he wants "Sexual Magic" or "Drag Strip Girl." Finally, after one film too many that I specifically recall being in the stack not being picked up again, I finally just put down all the movies, left my co-worker, and walked away without saying a word. I went to the back and I smoked a lot of weed. Then I returned to the front of the store, passing Stephen Hawking and my co-worker arguing about Frida. I smiled at my co-worker as I exited the store and lit up a cigarette. The end. This is the best story ever. EVER."

In the original story Dario didn't go outside and smoked a cigarette, instead he passed out in the backroom, but his memory is not that good. I think it is syphillis and he thinks it is alzheimers, but only time will tell.