Atoning

Here I am on Erev Yom Kippur. I sigh sadly and fondly as I think of the past year. I am fasting tomorrow to atone for my sins. There have been many of them. I have not always been the best person. I have committed slander. I have committed libel. I have hurt others terribly. I have sinned. I have been a good person too, but I feel terrible for the bad. For everytime I wasn't as nice as I should have been. For every time I wasn't honest. For every time I hurt someone I loved. For every time I hurt someone I didn't love. I have worked hard to be better. Progress has been made. But, I am nowhere near perfect. I'm overwhelmed right now.

How will God treat me in the year to come? How will I treat myself? How will I treat my family? My friends? My lovers? I hope to be honest with myself, with them. I hope to be loyal. I hope to have integrity.

I just called my mom in tears and to ask her forgiveness was hard. But, she asked for mine as well. And she reminded me that every day is a new day. A new day to be better. To work harder. To be smarter. To be wiser. To be honest. I have to keep this in mind.

Shanah Tovah. May those who fast have an easy fast.