I'll take you to the candy shop...

I saw really scary porn last night. I think I need to cry about it. There was a lot of choking and spitting. I was definitely turned off. Oh, yes there were also ass dildos... and that's not cool. Not only were there ass dildos. There was sucking on ass dildos and kissing after sucking on ass dildos... I definitely need an adult. So, Mariah seems to not be doing so hot, but I'm not dropping everything to hold her up. She has yet to do it for me in my time of crisis. Watching the L word makes me think we're kind of like Bette and Tina. Hannah and I talked about Mariah last night. Yes, Mariah is very self-serving. And it sucks. Am I going to be pissed at her one day and then fucking just explode and tell her? Hopefully not, hopefully I will be tactful...

That's it.

You hold all the cards.

Another L word quote

The heart is stronger than the head, remember that. Everyone is capable to commit a compassionate crime, and everyone deserves the compassion to start again.

Don't fuck with me.

I have been watching the L word, and I see one of the main characters cheating on her girlfriend of seven years and it breaks my heart. So, for the next girl I date, please don't fucking cheat on me. Even if you do, just tell me right away. And lets be honest with each other, because I hate lying. I hate bullshit. My wrath is unmeasurable, and I will not let you get away with treating me like shit. Because, I've been walked all over for too long.

No. Sexuality is fluid, whether you're gay or you're straight or you're bisexual, you just go with the flow.

A breakdown

Today I went into the city and hung out with Julie. It was fun. Nothing happened. I kind of wish that something did, but at the same time, I wouldn't be hooking up with her because I liked her, but because I wanted play. I hate that shady side. Like, I guess it's not all that shady, but I view her as this innocent girl who doesn't really know what she wants and I can convince her to hook up with me. Sarah Alston told me that I could persuade people to do anything if I wanted to do it. But, I don't want to use Julie and then move away and leave her confused and fucked up. Tess is a different story. I'm trying not to like her, but she's wow, I don't know. Kelli and I were talking today and she told me that we always pursue what we can't have. I want Tess, but it's not going to happen. She's got baggage, and I'm not looking for a romance. I don't even know what I want. I feel like the reality of Mariah is finally hitting me. I asked out some boy today. He was a cute Israeli, and he gave me his number, but I doubt I'll even call him. Still, it's a first step. I felt like I had "A Game" today. I am contemplating reading livejournal only once a week. Because reading about Mariah's days and emotions hurts me. It's just tough. I haven't talked to the Omaha girls in a while, and I don't know. I'm realizing that separation is happening. Hopefully this summer will fix it. I need some serious Ashley B and Margaret T and Hannah (gah her last name doesn't rhyme) W time.


Persistence, c'est la mere des tous les succes.