Best Thing I've Read Today

"The main culprits of engrish are probably the Chinese. They'll put anything on a T-shirt so long as it's in English, without bothering to see if it translates at all. When Japanese fuck up writing in English it's kind of like poetry. A bag of bread will say something like 'A delicious meadow of flavor. It feels nice like a warm breeze. Please be enjoying this bread.'"

I Went to the Levee, but the Levee was gone...

Before

After

Your Pot Dealer Name

Elementary School + Favorite Teacher

I'm Brownell Beery.

How about you guys?

When your computer dies so does your blogging regularity...

So, today I went to the airport in Indianapolis with the hopes that I would get on a early plane to Chicago and be in Saint Louis early. This dream came true, however my plane decided to have its version of power steering cut out as we landed. I, along with 65-80 of my closest friends sat on the runway for 30 minutes while they jacked around and towed us into the jetway. After arriving I had to wait for the people to bring us the carry-on checked luggage. It was at this point that a jihadi motherfucker was so insistant on getting his bag that he ran out the employees only door and ran down with his friend to get their bags. Some guy then started telling him that he needed to get back in or he was going to go to jail. I then found out I could still possibly make an early flight to STL so I hustled down to the gate. Upon asking the woman is there was still room she curtly replied, "if only you had been here ten minutes ago."
"I was trapped on a broken plane."
"Well, that's too bad, the's door's closing" she said with an evil look that could have led to a shanking. Then she closed the door.

So here I sit in a little airport internet kiosk called Laptop Lane. It's kinda pricey, but quite nice. :-)

BTW, FUCK UNITED AIRLINES.

Constipation

"Hey Hailey... antacids cause constipation!" - Me
"What's that?" - Hailey
"Those rolaids you took..." - Me
"SHIT!" - Hailey

The Silly Things In Life...

Isn't funny how the biggest problem in our day can soon turn into the least important? My computer broke yesterday, like serious fucked up broke. I'm going to have to get a new harddrive for my computer. It's going to cost me about 350 dollars at the very least. Now, as I was engaged in massive hysteria today, I learned that someone else's problem took precedent over mine. This person let me finish my rant about my computer because they said I needed to talk and when I asked them about their day I felt like such a jackass. It's amazing how simply a day can go from bad to worse to awful.

On a side note, I had my first day of classes. I'm already planning to drop one class because it is most definitely not what I thought it was and I refuse to take a class I don't like in the late evening. My other classes seemed to go ok...except for my inability to understand notes. I might have to start calling my musically inclined friends. Mreh. I will try to get online when I can, but who knows how often that will be... at the very least I can take this time to watch CNN and do my homework.

-Ripsy

It's the one that says 'One Bad Motherfucker' on it...

So, here's a story. Last night I decided to go out with Hannah and her friend who I will call VI (Vapid Idiot) and her boyfriend and his friends. We were getting ready last night and everything that came out of her mouth was shallow and annoying. She said things like, "guys love my breasts, they are always all up on them; it's on my list to fuck a black man; I want to continue with him because he's rich, despite his ugliness and stupidity." I wanted to say "shut the fuck up or I'm going to shank a bitch." But, instead I just retreated to my room. And when it was time to go I just listened to two drunk girls while being absolutely stone cold sober. The whole night was just a never ending flow of disgusting vapidity. We went to do some private business at a fraternity house, and I told her at that point to let me talk and do everything. Then we went to the boys' apt to hang out and whatever. BG (Black Guy) and I were playing Halo 2 and I was kicking ass, when she came over and goes "Video games make people socially awkward and lack real-life skills." And everytime I tried to argue back she went "you're not listening to me!" I wanted to reply with "no, you just have too much jizz in your ears to understand what I am saying." But, I was kind and saved me a lot of trouble by just saying "that's not the case." Then she got up and left the room to go talk about me. It's at that point I knew I had to go home because she was talking about which of Hannah's boyfriend's roommates she was going to hook up with that night. If I have to hang out with her for the rest of the year, I'm going to need to do massive amounts of valium. Because, there's no other way my brain can resist strangling her.