Conversation between my father and Margaret's

Harlan: So John what is the most common occurrence, getting stabbed or shot?
John: Hmm...well stabbing happens mostly.

Return of the profile quotes!

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.

Good quote by a great racist

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that an airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. -Henry Ford

Wow... amazing.

A nice night

Tonight I went to dinner with the nice roommate. We talked about her troubles with her boyfriend. We talked about Mariah and about Taylor. We talked about where we want to go with our lives. We talked about trips we wanted to take. We walked for a long time. We were out together for about two hours. It was so nice. I wrote such a bitchy post earlier. That when I read over it and the comments left by the creepy guy I was disgusted with what I wrote. I agree that I have to grow up. But the shit that I was writing was just that shit. It was a post talking about not being a child, but in the most childish of manners. So, let me try and summarize what I meant to say:

I want to grow up. In six months and four days I will be twenty years old. I have a lot to do before then. There are things in my life that I am ready for already. I am ready to get married and have children. I don't mean that I just want to marry anyone, far from it. The interesting thing is that Hailey feels the same way. It's nice to feel like I'm not the only one or that I'm weird. I have spent a lot of time crying in the past week, and I have no doubt that I will cry more. Crying is not childish. This is a new year. I have a new start. I am going to take advantage of that.

I cried because I was sad. Then I laughed because I heard this quote.

"If it is any consolation fish are never really alive, they are just less dead."

Forgiveness

This was a stupid post and how I meant to phrase my thoughts was wrong. So, ergo I delete it.

Funny thing I read tonight

This is for all of those people of all political stripes who are sick of the angry rhetoric (that is at best immature and at worst downright insane) of Bush-haters who have long threatened (or rather, promised us saner Americans) that they would move to Canada if George W. Bush won a second term.

Well, he won, and you're still here.

We're sick of your crap, and encourage any and all who put partisan hatred before country to follow in the proud tradition of British Loyalists, draft dodgers, and Michael Moore, and move to Canada, so we can have meaningful debate and rational criticism of the President rather than allegories of the President to Hitler that only serve to make fruitful political discourse impossible and further degrade our democracy.

So hurry up and move to Canada (or some other foreign country), already. With any luck, we won't have to see you again until you need access to a functional healthcare system.

Eric Yoffie is the man pt. 2

Al Cheyt

Atoning

Here I am on Erev Yom Kippur. I sigh sadly and fondly as I think of the past year. I am fasting tomorrow to atone for my sins. There have been many of them. I have not always been the best person. I have committed slander. I have committed libel. I have hurt others terribly. I have sinned. I have been a good person too, but I feel terrible for the bad. For everytime I wasn't as nice as I should have been. For every time I wasn't honest. For every time I hurt someone I loved. For every time I hurt someone I didn't love. I have worked hard to be better. Progress has been made. But, I am nowhere near perfect. I'm overwhelmed right now.

How will God treat me in the year to come? How will I treat myself? How will I treat my family? My friends? My lovers? I hope to be honest with myself, with them. I hope to be loyal. I hope to have integrity.

I just called my mom in tears and to ask her forgiveness was hard. But, she asked for mine as well. And she reminded me that every day is a new day. A new day to be better. To work harder. To be smarter. To be wiser. To be honest. I have to keep this in mind.

Shanah Tovah. May those who fast have an easy fast.

The good parts of tonight.

I went to this STD speaker with my sisters. After the worst talk about STIs (as they are now called) that I have ever heard we went back to the house. Kim and I went for a long walk and after about an hour of us talking about house issues and assorted drama I told her all about why I had been holed up for the past week. She let me talk about everything on my mind. Our was was about two and a half hours long. It was definitely nice to have someone to talk about shit with in the house. We then returned to the house to eat some delicious breadsticks and make fun of each other and Natalie. Then another girl came down and told us how one of the sisters wrote an e-mail to another chapter's president about how our advisor is a bitch. Our sister accidentally carbon copied it to the advisor. Who is allegedly the biggest bitch under the sun. This sister and the president have already written apology letters and whatnot, but after Stephanie how bad could she be? As I was reading away messages this was there and made me giggle.

"Thank you so much ----- for writing that email, now, nothing I will ever do wrong will ever top what you've done..."

Those were the best parts of the night.

two words

fuck you.

Great!

I've been doodling a lot. And painting. I can draw some really dark shit. I suppose we all can, but yeah it's just weird for me to make an entire painting that is grim. I am going for a walk with Kim tonight. I am just going to spill my heart out to her. Last night I met Hannah's friend Megan. Wow. If that girl was gay..., but regardless I have definitely found a new friend here. I think we both see things in very similar ways. She's pretty similar to Hannah. And that's really comforting. Every day is easier. I talked to Margaret yesterday. She reminded me that this was not a punishment for me. That it is good to be healthy emotionally again. She encouraged me to come to Chicago. I'm definitely going to take her up on the invite. It'll be nice to go and spend time with her. Everytime I want to call Mariah I am supposed to call her. After all Mariah and Margaret are next to each other in my phone book. I refuse to crack on this. It's a struggle, but it is important that I revitalize.

Heh!

smart marketing idea.

I love me a lot sometimes.

five great things about my day

1) I slept for 6 hours today. That makes 12 hours in three days. I'm finally getting my ability to go with out sleep back!

2) Not only did I pass the initiatione exam, I got a 100%.

3) My sorority sisters made me feel so much better tonight. It's so nice to just feel welcomed and loved. "We live for each other" is honestly so true in our house.

4) Going to Taco Bell and listening to Natalie order food.
"Hi, can I get two seperate orders?"
"No."
"Ok, my first order is..."

5) Talking to AGB on the phone.

Israeli Punk?

Phone calls , excitement in the air.
Fluency has grown,
all we have shared is in a stream heading somewhere,
taking turns, back to nowhere.
Although there are a thousand more,
you are the one I have been looking for.
I have no clue if this is your game if so count me out and leave me in pain.
Already prepared for a final thought.
After only a few hours I got caught in your net,
why did you let me fall?
It left me in a crumbling room staring at the walls.

Visitation Rights

I still want to go visit her. I honestly do. I am talking to Julien about going to New York. And it sucks. I still love her. Everyone says I'm doing the right thing and that this will be good for me. But, I still want to go visit her. Three months is an incredibly long time. I cry at the dumbest things now. I have a plane ticket that I have to spend by December 22. So, if anyone has any ideas please send them to me. I don't know if SLC is where I want to go. I might just want to go to Chicago and let myself collapse in Marge's arms. I hate that the one person whose arms I want to collapse in to, I can't. I can't because I have to force myself to not be hurt anymore. I have so many emotions. But, in the end this should be good. Breath. Breath.

Interesting think I read tonight.

The one who loves the most is the one with the least power in a relationship.