Double reverse racism times nine

I had a really cool post to write actually 2. However, I don't really want to write a huge entry and both are huge, so here's something interesting.

Two of the greatest inventions of all time are:

1) The telephone

2) The internal combustione engine

Dad is funny.

When Mike was a little baby, long before he was mentally awake. My mother was kind of depressed he wasn't a girl. So Skimmy used to put ribbons in Mike's hair and call him Gretchen.

So what were you doing that you came home at 1:48 in the morning? - Dad
I fell asleep at Alex's and woke up at 1:30. What were you doing up? - Ripsy
I have a natural arm clock. - Dad
That's impressive. - Ripsy
Yes, the fatter you are the better the alarm clock. You see, we store time in our cells. So the fatter we the more control we have of our ability to control time. Your cousin Myron can time travel. - Dad

Wow.

Last night was a-mazing. I have no words for how awesome my night was. Abso-fucking-lutely amazing. It's nice to say that I haven't lost my touch.

Morse Code Rocks

.-. .. .--. ... -.--

Some Quotes

"Small minds discuss people. Average minds discuss events. Great minds discuss ideas."
- Unknown

A renowned genius once asked a student, "What are you watching when you sit on a hillside in the late afternoon as the colors turn from yellow to orange and red and finally darkness?" He answered, "You are watching the sunset." The genius responded, "That is what is wrong with our age. You know full well you are not watching the sun set. You are watching the world turn."
- Jeremy Kagan, "The Jewish Self"

"What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your tongue."

Ignignokt: You and your third dimension.
Frylock: What About it?
Ignignokt: Oh nothing, it's cute. We have five.
Err: ...th..thousand.
Ignignokt: Yes, five thousand.
Err: Don't question it!
Frylock: Well I only see two.
Ignignokt: That sounds like a personal problem to me.

"You need not tell all the truth, unless to those who a right to know it all, but let all you tell be truth."- Horace Mann

"The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them." - Stephen King

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." - Henri Nouwen

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." - Martin Luther King Jr.

Never do anything against conscience even if the state demands it. - Albert Einstein

GO-TART (Holy Crip! He's a crapple!) A story by Dario Delfino

"So this one time a go-tart wheeled into the store. And he starts looking around at VHS movies for sale, the used ones. He picks out a stack of about 8 or 10 mostly thrillers, like "Don't Say a Word", or softcore porn. He brings this stack of movies to the front and slobberingly asks us to reserve them until January 25th between the hours of 8pm-9pm. This happened in like November. So we're like whatever, we'll do what Happy wants. So, the weeks pass and we employees debate on whether or not he's going to come in on the date he said and actually buy the films. At the beginning of January, the first week of January we do inventory. All of his movies end up being put back on the racks. So, he finally comes in last week. And, uh, asks us for the movies. We explain that they got put back out during inventory. So myself and another co-worker went out to the racks with him to help him pick out the movies again. The next hour is spent picking out films and asking Professor X whether he wants "Sexual Magic" or "Drag Strip Girl." Finally, after one film too many that I specifically recall being in the stack not being picked up again, I finally just put down all the movies, left my co-worker, and walked away without saying a word. I went to the back and I smoked a lot of weed. Then I returned to the front of the store, passing Stephen Hawking and my co-worker arguing about Frida. I smiled at my co-worker as I exited the store and lit up a cigarette. The end. This is the best story ever. EVER."

In the original story Dario didn't go outside and smoked a cigarette, instead he passed out in the backroom, but his memory is not that good. I think it is syphillis and he thinks it is alzheimers, but only time will tell.

I found this while reading my old LJ entries.

It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others. --Sydney J. Harris

Miss my mopey entries?

Is it possible to have a more frustrating 24 hours? The purpose of this blog was to post things without me feeling weird. However, a lot of people have appeared to start reading my blog, so I have become self conscious. I suppose that is how life is, and thus being so I'm going to publish how I feel. I had an interesting talk with Mariah. I really want us to have a future there, but maybe that isn't possible. I am honestly willing to start at Ground Zero. When someone has betrayed your trust it takes a lot of effort to get things back to normal or something like normal. I realize that I haven't been the best person, and it's something that doesn't change over night, but I am trying. I suppose trying isn't good enough though, is it ever? I am so overwhelmed with frustration and anxiety that I'm making myself sick. Then I have to hide the fact that I am miserable because no one wants to deal with a miserable friend, except me and I can barely deal with myself. The littlest things are setting me off and I'm getting to the point where all I want to do is cuddle and possibly die. Then I realize that dying doesn't make shit better at all. But, it's still a thought there. I need something to do with my time. I'm trying and my trying is never good enough for anyone. No one has ever said to me, well you tried your best and that's good enough. I was given a talk by mother that said I'm not allowed to fuck up my life, and how can I expect to go to rabbinical school if I don't have straight As? My future feels like it is set in stone. I don't know anymore, I really don't. I just want to feel ok, but that seems to be an impossible task. I don't know what I need to do. I just want to run away.

Story time with Dario.

"When I was in 8th grade, we had a tard named Chuck. One time, this kid said to him 'Hey Chuck, go beat up Coach!' (gym teacher's nickname). He goes, 'No! That's bad!' The kid goes, 'No, that's good!' So Chuck says, 'Okay!' and runs off to find Coach. We don't know what happened next. But the image of the tard running down the hall to find coach, his limbs flailing about wildly, intent on his coach-punching mission, remains one that warms my black little heart to this day.

Proof that Microsoft is the devil...

Exhibit A.


Exhibit B.

Ladies and Gentleman of the Jury, today I am here to present you with irrefutable evidence that Microsoft is the tool of the devil. Microsoft has their new global map. On this map I have looked up Apple Computers' address. I am presented with a picture of an empty lot. This reminds me of something a little group called the Nazis did. Exhibit B shows the same address with buildings there. This is quite odd. Just so odd, and so wrong. So ladies and gentlemen, Microsoft are Nazis, and buy American!

Cool picture #2

This photo is really nice. I really like the focus and just the overall feel of it.

Matt's afraid of Teddy Ruxbin?

Me: American Dad is pretty funny
Dario: It has its moments, but it could be so much more if it were more politically-minded. As it is, it's terribly derivative of Family Guy, which is itself terribly derivative of The Simpsons (and dependant on pop culture references, rather than characterization).
Me: Wow, be more bitter you old hag.
Dariol: :-D

Dinner with Jake...

I forgot how much Jake makes me laugh and also feel like a mother. Jake came over to dinner tonight which was quite an event, let me tell you. He's quite a funny kid.

For example:

Mom: So, Jake what are your dorms like?
Jake: Prison cells. We get a sink and a cot.
Mom: You must get a desk.
Jake: It's part of the cot.

Or this classic favorite:

Me: So, Jake are your parents still mad about Denver?
Mom: What happened in Denver?
Me: Jake went without permission...
Jake: That's not entirely true, I just forgot to mention it that day. Josh knew where I was.
Me: So were they pissed?
Jake: Sara, that doesn't even begin to describe it.
Me: Who was more mad?
Jake: Well my dad called and reccommend a restaurant to me.

Japanese people are weird...

Garlic Ice Cream(Dorakyura Aisu)At last! An ice cream that lets everybody around you know you've eaten it! Garlic-flavored Dracula Ice Cream is a summer delight you can really get your teeth into. Designed to ward off vampires, the irregular selection of flavoring may ward off a few ice cream lovers, too. Garlic may well be a wonderful condiment for an assortment of foods, but, appropriately for the substance vampires really hate, this is bloody awful. Incidentally, Garlic Ice Cream was made in the tiny Aomori Prefecture village of Shingo, which claims to be the place where Jesus Christ's grave is located.


Chicken Ice Cream(Kochin Chikin Aisu)It's ice cream like this that almost makes you wish the horrible thought that the avian flu that swept through Japan earlier this year had been a bit more effective. The taste of Chicken Ice Cream goes a long way toward explaining why the birds are described as foul. Though undoubtedly a tasty meat, you'll need to be anything but chicken to get through this ice cream.


Raw Horseflesh Ice Cream (Basashi Aisu):We're not horsing around with this one. There mere thought of putting raw horseflesh into ice cream may be enough to produce plenty of neigh ... er, naysayers. And, rightfully so. You can get it straight from the horse's mouth, this would have to vie for the vilest ice cream ever created. The chunks of meat inside it offer ample proof of why horseflesh is usually used in dog food. Not wanting to be a nag, this flavor needs a definite gee-up. The only saving grace is perhaps that tonight's dessert could well have been last week's odds-on favorite.


Deep Sea Water (Umi no Mizu Aisu)Brine may well rhyme with fine and shine, but this flavor offering the salt of the seas does neither. Imagine drinking some milk at the beach precisely the moment you cop a mouthful of water after a huge wave dumps on you and you've got something like this out of the ordinary taste.

USA all the Way or part of the way, whatever...

Congrats to Lance Armstrong on his seventh Tour de France victory. Yay. In order to honor him I present you all with a quote by Dario.

"He's a hero. He won a million bike races, and he's Strong Enough to be Sheryl Crow's man. And he overcame ball cancer, or something. I admire his testicular fortitude."